Heart-Smiling and Relationships: Let your Heart guide you to fulfilling relationships

Others as an opportunity to experience Love

When I ask people why they got married, the answer I get most of the time is "because we love each other". And why they decided to have children, the answer is here again: out of love. Love is at the center of our love life and our families. Personal growth and self-realization are developed around loving and being loved. Without love, our lives make no sense.

Love and compassion are an experience generated through our heart energy. Hence the popular expressions: "I have a broken heart" when we feel unloved, or "this person has no heart or a heart of stone" when we refer to someone who is unable to express love. Life without love is too painful, it is "heart breaking".

Love is more than an emotion, it is the Life Force itself. Life creates out of love, it is its nature. Love needs an outlet; it creates out of need to have an object to love. We, the creation, are that object. We are the loved Ones. We are created to receive love and because we are made of love, we also need to express love. And in turn, we also need "others" as an object to love. Others are an opportunity to express and experience love.

Relationships as a mirror

What makes someone attractive? At the physical level, there are many factors, like the size of a person, the hair color hair, the smell, etc. On the emotional level, we are attracted to people that make us feel good or that give us a sense of security or a social status. The "trophy wife" and the "successful husband" are examples of that dynamic.

Our family of origin also influence what we find attractive (or repulsive) in a person. The popular saying "we marry one of our parent and we become the other" is based on that observation. Many adult life co-dependency issues are rooted in unresolved family of origin dynamics that we painfully tend to resolve by repeating the old childhood patterns.

On the other hand, some people describe what attracts them to a relationship can be summarized in the following statement: "when I'm with you, I love the person that I am."

Jungian shadow work invites us to look at our relationships as projections of our inner dynamics. What we find annoying or repulsive in others is considered one of our shadow, an attitude or behavior that we have repressed because we have judged it unacceptable.

Most of us project shadows on our spouses, partners and children. They then become our mirror, they show us repressed areas of our personality that are unconscious.

Understanding the principles of shadow projection is very useful; it allows us to bring to consciousness aspect of ourselves that need to be recognized, accepted and loved.

How to take advantage of our Heart Energy in our Relationships

Here are some often heard comments illustrating painful (not heart-centered) relationships: "he doesn't listen to me" "she doesn't understand me" "if only he could admit that I'm right" "I'm always the one making the compromises" "after all I did for you" if you really loved me, you wouldn't ......."

These statements convey much hurt, but fortunately, that pain is avoidable. We can choose to avoid this type of emotional pain by complying with the two following recommendations:

1- Choosing to own our emotions. Nobody can make us happy; nobody can make us miserable. Some people and situations can trigger an emotion based on past experience, but we can always choose to reframe our perception and adjust our emotional response to any situation. For example, if my spouse is "late again", I can choose to fulminate or to be lovingly patient. The key here is to be able to change our perception: from victim to lover. Go back to the graphic in the Cardiac Coherence page to see how one can change their perception using heart energy.

2- Choosing to "Make Love, not War". Emotional immaturity is responsible for terrible suffering. The need to be approved, to be recognized, to be right, to be taken are of or needing to rescue, to take charge, to control, ...etc, have ruined many relationships. Moreover, these attitudes are antagonizing, they make people fight, argue, quarrel... "make war". On the other hand, heart's emotions, like compassion, understanding, caring, etc ... bring people together, build bridges, overcome disparity. When operating from the heart, people find ways to enjoy each other in peace and harmony. When operating from the heart, "conflict resolution" becomes "conflict dissolution" because, with compassion and understanding, conflicts melt like snow under the warm spring sun.

To enjoy fulfilling relationships, I invite you to choose to "be happy rather than right", to focus on what you appreciate in your lover rather than what irritates you, to choose to be grateful rather than vengeful. Choose love, not war.

Relationships are meant to be Heart-Centered. When in love, broadcast Heart Energy.


Ian & Corina

Ian & Justine

Louise & Guy

Guy & Jeannine